Do You Cling to the Familiar?
Dear Readers:
I am passionate about sharing that which I know works… hopefully saving you some time and struggle!
During my first eight years, I lived on an island, off the coast of Newfoundland, Canada. I remember well the ferocity of the
Atlantic Ocean beating against the rocky cliffs of the shoreline.
There were flocks of birds that flew into and nestled on the barren ledges, hanging on, with every fiber of their being: their little bodies shivering in the storms.
Many birds nestled in places where they would continue to be battered and were at the mercy of nature’s fury.
Often there was a ‘soft place to fall’ just beyond those ledges, if they had pushed themselves just a little bit more. The birds, however, stayed on the ledges, struggling and shivering in scarcity because it was familiar.
What is familiar about this?
How often do you stay in your familiar, desperately holding onto
some vestige of safety and illusion of security because of fear of change? Is there a fear of shaking up the status quo, stagnant patterns, because of fear of the unknown?
No one really wants to live a life of limitations and struggle, staying safe to the point of dullness. You may dream of a different kind of life; however, when it comes to crossing the threshold do you hesitate, not finding the courage to risk change?
I’ve been there many times, on the ledges of my life’s important junctures, finding myself clinging to the old. Fraught with fear, knowing change was necessary, I moved tenuously to get to the next foothold. Reminds me of rock-climbing, I did years ago, same process and just as scary!
When we are comfortable, it’s a bet that we are not stretching or growing. After a while this state feels intolerable as well, and pushes us to do something different. What is your pattern: what do you do to avoid misery?
Although a Richer Tapestry: Not Necessarily Easier!
Don’t expect your journey to be linear or fluid. Allow yourself to be curious and determined and uncomfortable, making space for the “not knowing the outcome phase”.
One thing for sure is that our resistance to change does not move the needle. Change is the only constant, occurring even if in our resistance or denial we fool ourselves into believing that it is not happening.
Are you so invested in denial that small changes go unnoticed? But look at you…you have changed since last week… yesterday. Can you say that you are the same person that you were a year ago?
One Change is Never Just One Change:
One deliberate change is never, never just one change. Think about it…You decide to start going to the gym. Think about that one decision. It leads to many decisions, new gym clothes, a rearrangement of your comfortable schedule, a weighing in, accountability to yourself, or a trainer.
Before long, you are examining your eating habits, sleeping habits etc. If you are part of a family, your decision has a trickle-down effect on them as well.
The Karmic Consequences of Avoidance:
If you are wondering how your life will be going forward, examine your behaviors/ patterns of the last six months or year. It set the groundwork for now and going forward.
How did you feel about all the facets of your life six months ago? Did you love your life or struggle some? The next six months or year will be the same unless you intentionally make a “course correction”.
No mystery here: the players on your stage of life may change, however the quality of your life will remain the same. There will be the usual small changes, however if you do not take hold of them with intentions, the struggles remain.
Often the emotional pain of not changing and stepping into a
full passionate life is more painful than finding the courage to
take the first step, which is always the hardest and the most
important step to take.
Take out Your Journal:
Take time to Review your life story:
Become aware of what you do when you are facing change. What is your pattern? Do you embrace or delay?
Do you get frenetically busy which protects you from feeling the fear /anxiety?
Do you use substances to numb out or delay making a decision?
Do you ruminate in a vague circular way where there is no clarity and no resolution?
Sit quietly taking as much time as you need and breathe into
that part of you that clings to the familiar.
Where have you stopped yourself in your journey to cling like the birds to the cliffs or illusions of safety and security?
Accept where you are at this time with self-compassion and understand why change is so difficult for you.
Be kind, be compassionate, but be determined not to make excuses.
Write in depth about the obstacles that are real. Write also about the obstacles that may not have a basis in reality that are a part of a faulty belief system.
Don’t expect to be without fear. Courage is feeling the fear and stepping up to the plate even if there is jelly in the knees.
Write a new story. Visualize how it will be when you take the first step off the cliff. As an artist and creator of your own life, you can create a “soft place” to land.
Blessings, Laura
If you are having trouble taking the first steps of change towards your dreams of happiness in life and want to better understand what is going on with you… I’d like to be of help!
E-Mail Me at Laura@LauraBYoung.com.
I am offering the first 3 people who call a free ½ hour consultation.